Free will

"God isn't about making good things happen to you, or bad things happen to you. He's all about you making choices--exercising the gift of free will. God wants you to have good things and a good life, but He won't gift wrap them for you. You have to choose the actions that lead you to that life.”
― Jim Butcher

I hate that others think they know what will make me happy. I went through a little low in my life last year. My sister insisted that my depression was caused by my job. This of course was not the case. Even though there are some highs and lows with my job, I really enjoy it most of the time, I couldn't see myself doing anything else. She thought she knew what would make me happy.

I am told constantly that Jehovahs people are the happiest people on earth. For example, Watchtower 1999 10/1 p. 8  says:
"Of course, the fact that Jehovahs servants "weep" over the sorry state of world affairs does not preclude their being happy. On the contrary! They are actually the happiest group of people on earth."

 If they think they are happy, so be it. I hope they enjoy their pseudo happiness. But don't try and tell me what will make me happy.

We are all created with free will and we can choose to live our lives the way we see fit. Maybe I don't want to spend seventy hours a month telling people they must join my religion, or they will die anymore. Maybe I don't want to sit through four hours of mind numbing meetings every week. Rather, I'm enjoying the simple things with my time. I want to garden. I enjoy walking the dog. I like to exercise. I enjoy spending time with my love. I am happy.

Sleeping arrangements

"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know"? Earnest Hemingway

Last night, we hit a milestone in our relationship, we decided to sleep together. Now get your mind out the gutter, I'm not talking about that kind of sleep, I'm talking about the restful slumber kind of sleep. I've been waiting for this opportunity for a long time.

He is over six feet tall and has a extra long twin bed. And it's a specific kind of bed to accommodate him and his injury. Injury. Yes, not a recent injury though. This injury is twenty years old but it stares at us in the face daily. He has a spinal cord injury from an automobile accident. His injury affects his arms, chest and legs, hence the need for the unique bed.

Anyway, we positioned him in a way that I could get maximum space, which wasn't much space at all. I started sleeping with my head on his chest and his arm was behind my head. I liked sleeping like that, I could hear his heart beat. But he had to check every once and a while to make sure he had circulation in his arm. At some point in the night I ended up with my head facing the opposite direction of his and my feet in his face. Along with this awkward positioning I had a creek in my neck. At a certain point i began to wonder what time it was and I looked at the clock, it was already six a.m. We had made it though the night together. So now I have a stiff neck, and a smile on my face what a cozy night.

Spiritually weak

“Life will get much better when you stop caring about what everyone thinks, and start to actually live for yourself.” - Robert Tew

I used to be a good  Jehovah's witness.  I followed most of the JW rules.  I attended weekly meetings, never celebrated a holiday and rarly  associated with people who weren't witnesses.  I also devoted much of my free time to their religious cause.  I spent eleven years as a full time preacher (pioneer), I volunteered 70 hours a month or 840 hours a year preaching to people.  I even had more "special" witness privileges:  I spent three summers picking blueberrys in the hot sun three days a week at a complex where they produce religious literature.  At the same complex there is an infarmary where older, infermed witnesses who have spent many years living at the complex stay.  I worked a weekend at least every three months in that infarmary for twelve hour shifts for about two years.  I read every word of new publications produced by the witnesses.  I really know how to be a "good witness".

But I just don't care to be a good witness anymore.  I know what they teach is not absolute truth.  Witnesses think their religion is the only one that truly teaches god's word.  When a member of the witnesses slows down in their activity, or does not patricipate fully in witness activity, they are often labeled as "spiritually weak". These individuals may need "encouragement" from "stronger" JW members.  I'm sure some witness see that I am "slowing down".  I'm sure that it is just a matter of time before I become someone's special project, and the will try to give me "spirtual assistance".  I really don't need any assistance, as I have deprogrammed myself.  I'm mentally free from the witness beliefs.  No assistance needed here!  

On life

Unfortunately, instead of doing my normal Saturday morning routine of cleaning, laundry and the gym, I attended a memorial service for my sister's father in law. Although I didn't known him well, he seemed like a great person. He was a medical doctor, professor and he did lots of volunteer work in various countries. I cried for him. When I go to funerals, it oftentimes brings back memories of my own fathers funeral ten years ago. It hurts. I hate death.

Going to funerals reminds me to make the most of my own life. I try to be a good person and make my mark on this world to the best of my abilities. There are so many opinions on what happens to humans when they die, I have enough faith to believe that there is something more, maybe it's even better on the other side. But we should embrace our lives now. And make sure we share every moment the good, and the not so good with the people who love us.