"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." -- Aristotle


     It's Valentine's Day!  Ok fine, today is a very conventional holiday and you should tell your loved one's that you appreciate them everyday.  But when I was in school, I watched other girls get stuffed toys and red and pink carnations, I was always slightly jealous and wished someone would give me a cutesy gift on February 14th.

     Last year I was the first year that I ever got anything for Valentine's Day.  My Honey gave me some flowers and a balloon.  It was cute and I was appreciative of my gifts.  I made him a Valentine card.  Since he is conservative politically, I found a little elephant picture with hearts all around him, I colored the picture and I pasted it on red and pink construction paper.  I liked the way it turned out and I vowed that I would always make him a  Valentine on the 14th of February. 

     And today is the day!  But unfortunately I have no supplies at home to make him a Valentine.  I had every intention to make him one at work, where construction paper, glue and markers are plentiful.  There was a nor'easter which brought 19 inches of snow to the area, so I haven't been to work in two days.  So I turned to  my other creative outlet to express my love:  writing.  I will share some excerpts from my personal journal.

March 17, 2010

"I don't believe in forced relationships, don't force me in a relationship I don't want to be in."
(I write this after a failed attempt at a set up by my sister)


August 11, 2010

"The sexual tension can be  cut with a knife, the flirting is strong."
  (This is the first mention of my sweetheart in my writings)


October 17, 2010

"My greatest fear -- that I will end up alone, never experiencing love."

December 25, 2010

"I want...somebody that truly cares about me, that makes me laugh, that I can respect..."
(Little did I know, I already knew him!)

May 31, 2011

"I love the way he lights up when he's passionate about something.  His eyes get so wide and he smiles so big.  I like his dimples, they add to his charm and his boyish good looks.  I love when he teases me.  I love the fact that we can talk yet have comfortable silence.  I love the fact that he thinks he knows me so well, yet I don't even know myself sometimes."
(I wrote this on the night that I realized I was in love with him)

October 23, 2011

"I'm not proud of what I did last night, but I don't feel guilty about it either." 
(That was an interesting night, AKA tee-shirt night, we had a little too much to drink that night, and I tried to "make a move" but to no avail.)


November 4, 2011

"I hate love, especially love that may never come to be.  I didn't mean for it to happen, unfortunately it did.  I love him, I am in love with him." 

October 3, 2012

My heart belongs to him.

November 1, 2012

"I think we may have reached a new level in our relationship...but one thing is for sure, I can't imagine my life without him."
(We were starting to take things seriously by this time.)

October 9, 2013

"Still very much in love with him."


I don't journal a lot anymore.  That entry from October 9, 2013 was my last journal entry.  Journaling use to be an outlet for me, a way to let out my frustrations.  I'm not frustrated anymore.  My boyfriend  is my outlet, he is my best friend, the one I tell my problems and the one I share my hopes and dreams with.  But what I wrote that day in October continues to hold true, I am still very much in love with him.






    

"Life is a highway" - Tom Cochrane


Can life can be compared to as being a highway?  I think it can.  We all "drive on" this highway called life.  For some of us, it is a long ride filled with high points and low points and many curves.  For others, the drive is too short, it is over way to quickly.  Sometimes we get to choose the road to drive on.  Some will chose the nice direct route, flat and predictable.  Others will pick the way that's the most complicated probably getting lost along the way.  We have people we come across during the course of our lives who are like a GPS or maps.  These individuals help us to find our way through the road of life. 

Sometimes though, you are on the nice, direct route.  Everything seems hopeful.  You have plans to get somewhere, you plan of taking your time and enjoying the scenery.  But something happens, maybe your car breaks down or maybe you have an accident and the car doesn't quite function like it used to.  These people may simple get their cars fixed and carry on down the road of life.   I like these people the best.  They continue on living, even if their cars don't work as well or look like they used to.  Will they get to their finial destination?  You bet.  Maybe not the way they expected to, but they will get there.

What about me?  What kind of road did I pick to travel on?  If you ask my family, they would probably say that I am on a road to a dead end.  I am  going to come to a point where the road will just stop and I will have to turn around and return to my former self.  I assure you, this is not the case.  I may not have picked a route that is straight and direct.   My road is windy, maybe not even paved.  It mat appear to be a tough, bumpy route to others, but I am ok,I'll get through it.  I believe this is a short cut, that one day I will hit a smoothly paved highway and it will be a gentle ride from there.   

Welcome 2014!

It is a New Year and I'm ready.  2013 will be known as the year that I officially stopped being a witness. I stopped attending meetings and turning in field service time in July.  That means this month I officially become an "inactive" witness.  I just came back fom a visit with my mother and it was one of the best visits with her that I have ever had.  I think she has finally accepted the fact that I will not return to the Jehovah's Witnesses.  She was non confrontational so we had a real nice time together.  I had a real relaxing New Year's Day.  I enjoyed this holiday season and I even got to celebrate my first Christmas in 27 years.  I'm starting this New year feeling great!

Hate

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I open this post with a quote from Dr. King.  He was a man who lived his life in a very non violent, loving way.  The quote above is excellent and I should really practice it myself.  Should is a very important word.  I have hate in my heart right now for my sister and brother in law.  I hate them.  I'm not supposed to hate, especially your own family, but I do.  I prayed last night for the first time in a long time, I asked god to take this rage I have out of my heart, I asked him to bring peace to my soul again.  I don't wish to hate.  Unfortunately the emotion still lives inside of me.  

So I have decided to cut out destructive influences in my life, the ones that cause this unsettling feelings in my soul.  I cut out the the religion that was causing me bad feeling, next I will cut off my sister.  I'm sorry.  You may be family but you have broken me this weekend.  Your words and actions have caused some sort of divide in my life that my love and I have spent the last day trying to fix. I hate you.  I will try to learn from peaceful people like Dr. King.  But for right now, I'm done with you.

Beautiful lights

 I haven't been to a Jehovah's Witness meeting since this summer.  I decided to actually celebrate the holidays this year, without guilt.  I enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving meal with my boyfriend and his family.  I ate way too many desserts, we played  Bingo and even sang karaoke, it was quite an enjoyable evening.  The next night, I got a phone call from my party pooper mother.    "Why would you celebrate such a pagan holiday?" she yelled through the phone.  I informed her that the holiday had no religious roots and it's main theme was for families to get together for a meal.  Then a few days after that, my sister texted me saying "please give thanks to God every day and not just one day a year by eating turkey."  Geez, they clearly have missed the point of the holiday which is to be with family.  Which doesn't surprise  me since our family can't get together without some sort of major argument.

Since I am now like the spawn of Satan because I have decided to celebrate holidays, I figured I would go all out and even decorate my house a little.

I spent this evening watching the Rockefeller tree lighting special, and I even got little butterflies in my stomach when the tree lit up.  I'm beginning to like holidays...

Common Core Modules

Education is not the same anymore.  I haven’t been doing this job for very long.  I completed my teacher education program in May 2003.   After that, I was a substitute teacher, and then I worked as a ESL/Pre GED instructor at a for family literacy program.  I didn’t get my first teaching job until 2006, months after I finished my Master’s degree in Special Education.  In the last few years, there has been significant shifts in education.  One of the major shifts has been the Common Core State standards.  The Common Core State Standards are an initiative that seeks to bring diverse state curricula into alignment with each other.  The idea behind having national standards may be good. I worked in various states thought my career, each state use to have their own set of standards.  If we are a united country, it may be necessary for our school systems to be united too, and to have one goal…to prepare our students to be college and career ready by the end of 12^th grade.

 One of the major problems I have with the Common Core with are the one size fits all Common Core modules that were adopted by the school district I work for, and many other school in New York.  The New York State Department of Education has provided curriculum modules and units in English Language Arts and Math.  These modules are very scripted.  Most everything the teacher must say and do within the lesson is written down.  How much time it takes to do certain activities is also  listed.   The Child's classwork and homework are created by the state.  These teachers are becoming actors, and merely following a script.  There is hardly any room for creativity.  One of my colleagues informed me she gave one of the state created module exams.  There was forty minutes allotted for giving the exam, but none of the students finished in 40 minutes.  She had to continue on in order to get the whole module completed by the end of the quarter.   I teach Social Studies, the state of New York has not yet come out with modules for Social Studies.  But teachers of math and ELA must follow these scripted modules. 

Recently one of my Facebook friends posted about the Common Core modules.  Her son is gifted and at age ten has already skipped a grade.  He graduated from a private elementary school and had to go to public school, because there are no private Middle Schools in her area.  The child is board at school.  He finishes his work quickly and has to wait for other children to catch up.  The teachers can't give this child a different assignment because they must follow these scripted modules.  It was suggested that he be put into a 7th or 8th grade ELA class, but the books they read in these class, based on common core modules, have murder and rape in them so they are not age appropriate.  Everyone's hands are tied in this situation.

One teacher wrote an excellent post about his take on the Common Core modules.  Please read it, and form your own opinions on the Common Core.

theplainsatisfactions.wordpress.com/.../teacher-ken-siders-not-to-miss-perspective-on-classroom-modules/‎

 

Changes...

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."

Gail Sheehy

"You've changed". That's what I was told by my mother this summer.  She really doesn't think I have made positive changes in my life, i think that I have.  I believe  all the  so called "changes" I have made are just normal human development. I have set "life" goals for myself.  I have more than just a job, I have a career, one that I enjoy tremendously.  I am beginning to establish roots, I purchased my first home and I have the cutest dog.  I learned about true unconditional love.  I have a stable, loving relationship with my very best friend.  Yes I have changed.

I found this cute little quote that is quite appropriate for me!