I did something I didn't mean to do this weekend, I fell in love with another guy. No worries though, this new guy is furry, four months old and probably weighs five pounds. He's a little yorkie puppy! I have a little dog named Gwen. I adopted her last year from a shelter. I have no idea what type of dog she is, but she only weighs about fifteen pounds. She is full of energy, she also loves people and other dogs. I got her when I was having a tough time last year mentally. My dear friend suggested I get a dog so that I'll have a loyal little friend and someone to take care of. I picked Gwen at the shelter and not her brother because she was so lively and when I picked her up, she licked my face. It was love with that first kiss.

I never had a dog before, growing up cats where the family pet. So I have one dog and now I want another. I took at trip to a dog breeder this weekend just to look at the puppies but as soon as I held this little guy I wanted him. Unfortunately (or maybe it's fortunately), I began thinking with my mind and not my heart. Can I really take care of another pet? So I went home without the little guy and three days later, I'm still thinking about him. I asked Gwen if she wants a brother, she looked at me crocked her head and then continued to chew on her ball. I took that answer as a yes. So I'm still only the mother of one dog right now, maybe if its all meant to be ill be the mom of two. Which is funny because I have said that if I'm ever blessed with a child one day I would want only one, now I realize I can't even be the m to one dog without the desire to have another...

What's "good" about me?

     I'm tired today.  I felt defeated the whole day today.  I need encouragement and hugs.  So I turned to writing which has always been therapy for me.  I have always had low self esteem.  I hardly ever feel or speak highly of myself.  I was told that maybe I should try to write some of my good qualities down.  This is extremely hard for me.  I can come up with a lot of my flaws, but for the sake of this exercise, I'll spare everyone my bad traits and try to come up with a few of my good traits.

1.  I think I'm a good listener. I may not give the best advice, but if you need a listening ear and someone that won't spill your deep dark secrets into the rumor mill, I'm your girl.

2.  I try to be as helpful as possible, just ask I'll more than likely say yes.

Wow this is hard...I've been sitting here for a few minutes trying to comeuppance with some more qualities.

3.  Oh yes!  I'm compassionate, I try not to hurt others, and when I do (accidentally) ill try to make it better.

4.  You can depend on me, I try and keep my word.

5.  I'm extremely patient.

This is getting easier!

6.  I believe I'm some what intelligent.

7.  I'm honest.

8.  I'm going to end my list with I'm loving.

Writing this list has made me feel a little better about myself.  😊

Love

Wikipedia says "Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection Love may describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals." The bible, at 1 corinthians 13:4-8 says love is "patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

There are many types of love, I love my family, I love my friends, but romantic love is something really special. There are countless love songs and movies based on it. Some people search their whole lives for it. Some people say they found it, but unfortunately the fall out of it quickly. There are self help books and web sites designed for one to find their "soul mates". When it is found love can be euphoric. Love can be the source of so much happiness. So why do others feel like they need to interfere with the love life of others based on trivial things?

Think about the story of Romeo and Juliette. They gave up their lives for love. Unfortunately, they couldn't be together because their family members hated each other. I understand families wanting to be involved in your relationships because they really want you to be happy and they don't want others to hurt you. If your partner has some sort of major personality flaw, or the like, I think it's only right for your family or friends to warn you before you get deep into the relationship. But if they hate your partner only because they are a different race, religion, social status etc., this is wrong on so many levels. Why deny love on trivial matters when it's so hard to find in the first place?

New Year

So, it's New Year's Eve already. Last year at this time I was going through a big mental change in my life, which led me to be depressed. I was miserable at the end of the year. Now I'm not so miserable, I got over the depression. Not to say that at times I never feel a little down, but I'm nothing like I was last year. I believe 2012 was a changing year for me. The year I finally decided to stop believing how others want me to believe. We are created with free will, and it took me 365 days to realize that I will not let anyone take this god given freedom away from me.

Now I'm nervous. I am ready to walk away from the religion. Even writing those words causes a knot in my stomach. I know many will be disappointed with me, or think that I have completely lost my mind. But this is something that I have to do, no more living the lie. No more doing what others think is right. But I'm still afraid. I'm afraid of making the wrong choice. But I guess that's life. We all must make a choices, some will be good, others will be bad. Hopefully I will be granted the wisdom to make somewhat good decisions.

December...

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QfNqtuPl_ok


I can relate to these lyrics. Please don't jump to conclusions, I most defiantly am NOT with a man that is married or dating someone else. I just don't know where I stand in this "relationship" . Maybe lack of a relationship is a better word for it. I couldn't have said it better than the verse of this song that says: "Who am I to you? Where do we stand? Are you my man?"

Life choices

Most people make many decisions in their adult lives. Some of them are major life choices, but most are very minor day to day decisions. I was raised by a single mother, who is very strong willed and independent. She's also very controlling. She always means well but she forgets that its my life and I have to make my own choices, even if they are bad, I must live with the consequences.
Unfortunately I rarely stand up for myself. Always the people pleaser, I try to maintain peace in my family. One of the major life choices that I never have regretted making was my choice in a career.
Many Haitian immigrants work in the medical field. My mother didn't have the opportunity to get any medical training. She worked in maintenance at a college for many years. The job was a stable one and we always had what we needed but she was always embarrassed about what she did and she wanted better for us. From the time I was twelve, I was told I was going to be a nurse. I accepted this fate. When I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, I always said "be a nurse". Unfortunately deep down inside I wanted to be an author, or a chef.
When I was a junior in high school, I was enrolled in an licensed practical nursing program part time. I hated it. It was that year I also realized I wanted to become a teacher. I came up with a conclusion, maybe I could teach nursing. But deep down inside, I knew I couldn't teach what I hate.
I really sucked at clinical, I was afraid of doing some of the procedures. And I wasn't really interested in what we learned in class about the body and diseases. Surprisingly, I made it through the program, passed the nursing boards and got my license the same year I graduated high. That fall, I was enrolled in an RN program at a local community college.
I knew I was put on this earth to teach. I missed the secondary school environment. I was also very interested in studying history. The nursing program was science heavy and really didn't interest me. I knew I had to stand up to my mom. I lost several nights sleep worrying how she would feel when I told her I was going to change my major. I knew I could never enjoy a career in nursing. One afternoon, I spilled the beans and told her I was an inspiring teacher. "Do whatever will make you happy" she said. And I did just that.
My career in education hasn't always been a walk in the park, but I never regret my choice. I love what I do. People marvel at the connection I have with my students, this was one of the best choices I have ever made.
But lately I have been wanting to make another life choice. I need to leave the religion I was raised in. It's a very high controlling group. I don't agree with the doctrines. I don't know how much longer I can continue being a part of it. I'm proud of my 18 year old self who knew the choices of others were not always good for me. If I leave my religious group my friends and family may shun me, and ill be an embarrassment to them. But I must remember this is about me, not them. I have to make a stand, and I have a feeling it will be soon.

Getting over a tragedy

Like a lot of people, Mondays are generally not my favorite day of the week. It is hard to get back into the swing of things after a weekend off. I work In a middle school and the students seemto forget the rules over the weekend. I often have to remind them of what they should be doing, tell them they are not suppose to forget routines and such.
This Monday is a somber one. On Friday, there was a school shooting in Newton, CT where twenty beautiful six and seven year olds lost their lives along with four teachers, the school psychologist, and the school principal.
This Monday when I arrived at work, instead of focusing on the usually "teacher things" that I have to do, I looked around for places to hide children in my classroom if something like this were to happen at our school. I have been sick to my stomach all morning wondering if we are safe here. I know the chances of something this tragic happening are minuscule, but as a teacher, I know it's better to be over prepared then under prepared.
I know these victims are in a better place. But even though they are, their families here on earth miss them immensely. I pray that the families have the strength to endure living without those who they so tragically lost. I also pray that all Children can be safe while they receive an education.