A couple of things that are bothering me...

There are two things that are completely taking control of my thoughts today:  testing and cults (or a nicer way to put it High controlling groups).  Two totally different things, but they  are completely occupying my life right now.

On Testing:

The one size fits all approach of standardized testing is convenient but lazy.

James Dyson

 In 2010, New York state adopted a new teacher evaluation law that said 20 percent of a teacher’s evaluation would be based on student growth on a state assessment or other comparable measure; 20 percent would be based on student achievement on other locally selected measures; and 60 percent would be based on locally negotiated evidence of teacher effectiveness. I really don't mind classroom visits or observations from the administrators at school.  They are welcome to my class at any time, honestly they don't bother me.  I feel that I am pretty good at what I do and I have a great rapport with my students.  I work in what is considered an "underprivileged" school district and the majority of my students have learning disabilities or other issues that may affect how they learn.  The problem is, they don't test well. 

Teachers in New York now have to set goals via a SLO for their students.  A Student Learning Objective (SLO) is an academic goal for a teacher’s students representing the most important learning for the semester or course. SLOs must include baseline performance data for each student, benchmarks to assess progress, and growth goal targets. SLOs are aligned to New York State’s Common Core, national or state standards. Teachers’ effectiveness scores for this component of their evaluation will be based upon the degree to which their goals are attained. 

What's wrong with a teacher setting goals for their students?  Nothing.  But I have a big problem with these SLO's, now students have to take a pre and post written test for every course they take.  I'm talking about EVERYTHING, including gym, art, music, home and careers and the like.  How is over testing producing well rounded students?  My students are sick of tests and I'm sick of them.  Here's my other issue with setting goals:  what if I set high expectations for my students and they don't achieve the test score that I thought they would achieve while another teacher teaching the same subject sets out a lower goal for all of her students, am I an ineffective teacher because I set the bar high?  Ok, I’m done venting about test.

On Cults:

One person's religion is another person's cult.

Philip Seymour Hoffman

One dictionary defines a cult as:

A system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.

A relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister

Deception lies at the core of mind-manipulating and high-demand ("cultic") groups and programs. One person who has extensively studied cults is Steven Hassan.  Steven Hassan became involved with the Moonies and upon being 'deprogrammed' went on to become a world's renowned cult specialist. The rising number of manipulative groups makes his books Combating Cult Mind Control (Park Street Press 1990) and Releasing the Bonds (Freedom of Mind Press 2000) important reading.

Destructive mind control can be understood in terms of four basic components, which form the acronym BITE:

Behavior Control (ex. Rigid rules and regulations,  a major time commitment to the group ect)

Information Control (ex. Use of deception, Access to non-cult sources of information minimized or discouraged, extensive use of cult generated information and propaganda ect)

Thought Control (Need to internalize the group's doctrine as "Truth", Black and White thinking, No critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy seen as legitimate ect)

 Emotional Control (Excessive use of guilt and fear, Fear of the "outside" world, the thought that there is no happiness or fulfillment outside of the group)

Since my spiritual "wake up" has happened, I have come to realize that Jehovah's witnesses are just another high control group and they don't have exclusive rights to the "truth".  Since this time, other high control groups have been intriguing to me.  I have been drawn to reading books and watching TV about the Amish as well as fundamentalist Mormons.  Although these groups have very different beliefs, they are all high control groups and share that similarity. 

Anyway, the reason why cults are bothering me today is because my sister (who is very brainwashed) gave me a call this afternoon.  I believe that she knows I have slowed down in my "service to Jehovah"  she thinks her call was encouraging to me, rather it just sounded crazy.  Here is some of what happened:

Me - How's Mexico (the JW headquarters sent her and her husband there on assignment)

Sister - Great! The JW's here are so nice, they are nothing like the worldly people (JW phrase for non witnesses) there is nothing out there in the world.  The people here are so poor they really need the truth.  But Bethel (where they are staying, JW owned and built) so beautiful...

JW's build beautiful facilities while the people who live outside of the facilities are starving.  They don't help out in the community or provided services for the poor, this behavior is so un Christian.  Then they have the audacity to think they are superior to EVERYONE else, people like Mother Therese and Gandhi are not important to witnesses because they were not witnesses.

Ok I'm done venting, thanks for reading!  Bless you if you got to the end of this blog post!!

June 1

“I will not eat cakes or cookies or food. I will be thin, thin, pure. I will be pure and empty. Weight dropping off. Ninety-nine... ninety-five... ninety-two... ninety. Just one more to eighty-nine. Where does it go? Where in the universe does it go?” 

― Francesca Lia Block, Echo

June 1st used to be an important date for me. The fifteen year old me had a specific goal for that date, I would be 120 lbs.  I never knew exactly how much weight I lost that year because before my extreme dieting started, I was afraid of scales.  If I could avoid them I would.  Then something happend, I decided that I needed to loose weight, I gave myself the goal of being 120lbs by June 1st.  I lost a lot of weigh that winter, to the point that a few months into my dieting I could not fit my clothing.  At one point I remember my family telling me that I looked good and I should stop loosing but I had a goal to achieve, I needed to be 120lbs even if it ment that I would cut back on what I ate, drastically.  Food became my enemy.  I counted every calorie, even the ones in a stick of gum or a breath mint.  I ate no sweets and avoided fat if at all possible.  My hands and feet were always freezing, possibly due to iron deficiency anima. I hardly had any energy, but I was skinny!

120lbs sounds like a "normal" body weight for someone my height, but in my body frame I was skinny.  My sister used to wrap her fingers around my ankles, my collar bones would protrude out.  I didn't care though.  By June 1st that year, I had reached my goal but I didn't stop there I continued to diet thought the summer.  I was finally winning the fight against the scale.  

I kept the weight off for abou a year, I celebrated my first June 1st anniversary as a skinny girl.  But something  happened that winter, the scale broke and my mom refused to buy a new one.  I became less obsessed with food and begain eating normally again.  By the time I weighed myself again, I had gained 15 lbs. I tried to loose th weight but I couldn't bring myself to be obsessed with food again.

Through the seventeen years since my original weight loss, my weight has gone up and down but it has never reached the point where I begain my journey as an overweight person.  I've learned the importance of regular exercise and balanced meals with little treats here and there.  This June 1st, I started out the morning with a nine mile bike ride and ended the day with a handful of m&ms.